|Jill Valentine Tutorial|
|Season 1, Episode 4|
|Written by||Maximilian Christiansen|
|Directed by||Maximilian Christiansen|
Strider Hiryu and Hawkeye tutorial
Assist Me! Featuring Jill Valentine is an episode of web show Assist Me!. In this episode Albert Wesker makes his return to Max's place only this time he is not alone. He brought Jill Valentine to his side and ask Max for his help to teach her some moves.
"I swear to god if that's one of your Latverian call girls..."
"What?! I haven't brought Tania over in weeks!"
Max and Doctor Doom are playing matches in MvC3 Vanilla when Doom complains about Wesker being broken after he loses to him and furiously states that he should be patched. Max disagrees about it saying that he's not that great seeing that he still have some weaknesses. He advises Doom to be patient when he's playing as his character instead of spamming his 'Finger Lasers' but Doom argues that if he could finish Wesker in real life he could easily beat him in the game. As two dark figures are walking towards Max's place, Max then remembers something when X-23 was here but Doom is still depressed regarding it as his 'wound is still cut deep'. But Max is curious if they have taken out Wesker why would X-23 would still be on his trail for so long and ask Doom if he has seen Wesker's body after the explosion. Doom realizes that they just ran out of yogurt while Max sighs as he knows Doom just wants to change the subject. Just as Doom tells Max they'll make a rendezvous at the market (and tosses one of Max's arcade stick to Max's surprise), the lights turn off. Max says "What now?" about it while Doom jokes that the Human Torch would come in handy. Just as the lights turn back on, Max feels that they're not alone and both turns around to see a girl with a black hooded-cape. Max ask Doom if it's one of his Latveria call-girls but Doom replies that he didn't bring Tania in weeks. As Max says "I swear to god...", Wesker appears before them stanting that he is god. Doom tries to attack him with his Finger Lasers but Wesker easily counters it with his Tiger Uppercut move, telling him that was for putting him in a human-sized blender. Max attempt to hit him with his arcade stick but Wesker and the girl quickly point their guns at him. Wesker says this time it isn't about him but the girl that he reveals her to be Jill Valentine (which Doom though she's a call-girl). Max wonders who's this Jill while Wesker just says that Phase One of the program begins, thus starting Jill's tutorial.
Just as Max explains about Jill's movement and mobility, a Nyan Cat ringtone was heard and Wesker tells him to stop while he pick up the phone. As Wesker is talking on the phone about 'global saturation', Max tells Doom that he doesn't recall Jill looking like that. Doom tells him if he plays Resident Evil 5 but Max just stares at him, indicating that he didn't. Doom then tells him that Jill was a combat master, could use several weapons and summon the undead to help her in MvC2 and asks Max if he ever played any fighting games before 2009 but again he just stares at him along with Jill. Doom was upset that Max doesn't know about Jill but Wesker interrupts them with his gun and tells them not to talk while he's on the phone.
As soon Max finish explaining Jill's assists, Doom got fed up thinking this is more boring than a Phoenix mirror match and stands up. Wesker asks him where is he going but Doom mocks him that he can go wherever he wants and states that he is Han Solo and Wesker is his 'Wookie b*tch'. Not too happy, Wesker gives a signal to Jill and Jill stands up to get Doom. As Doom was about to take something from the fridge, Jill stops him and karate chops Doom in the neck when he tries to attack her, causing Doom to fall down. Jill throws him down the floor while Doom moans "Oww...Doom fell on his keys..." making Jill have a flashback of famous scene with Barry Burton back in Resident Evil 1 when she heard 'keys'. Jill then snaps out of it and arm locks Doom from behind. Doom is curious on what happen to her from MvC2 till now but is put back on the couch. Wesker is impressed that it's a 'flawless victory' while Doom whispers to Max that he has a plan.
Once Max's finish telling about Jill's specials, Max notice that Jill doesn't say much but Jill replies "Chris...I have to save Chris...". However Wesker stops her and tells them that he doesn't allow them to have a personal conversation to snap her out of it. Doom laughs about it until Wesker infuriates Doom by mocking him that Doom's only interest in gypsies and teenage X-Men don't mind his small bits. Wesker adds fuel to the fire by mocking his mother and Latveria women. Angry, Doom and Wesker decides to face each other in a rap battle.
Part 2 Edit"Chris! Seriously I got gas money!"
After Max finish explaining Jill's Level 1 Hypers, Wesker is happy that no third-rate villains or celebrity look-a-likes are going to stop him from spreading Uroboros since he has Jill to take care of them. He even adds that he spend millions for Jill but Max tells him that he can get her for 5 dollars. Wesker doesn't believe him until Max shows him the X-Box shop that it's true. Jill was confuse that she's worth 5 dollars while Wesker calls someone from Cynthia Marketing about it. Doom comments that he though he's the one getting ripped off.
Once Max finish explaining Jill's Level 3, Mad Beast, Wesker orders Jill to get her a sandwich since he's hungry until Jill has a flashback of 'Jill sandwich' scene when she heard the word 'sandwich' but again snaps out of it and goes to the kitchen. Wesker is glad that she's well-represented in the modern fighting game. Doom disagree as he prefers S.T.A.R.S Jill from MvC2 is much better. Wesker retorts about Doom thinking that everything about MvC2 is much better and tells him to look at Jill's sleek and sexy metal gear as both Max and Doom take a good look at her. Doom has second thoughts and agrees with Wesker. As Jill gives him a sandwich, Max realize that it's his sandwich but Wesker tells him that nobody cares. He even comments about what happens if Jill were to represent as the way she looks in the first Resident Evil game with terrible look-a-like performers. Max adds 'horrible actors' while Doom adds 'extremely cheesy voice-overs', which all of them stare at him. They ignore him and stare back at the TV screen, continuing the tutorial.
After Max finish explaining Jill's combos and ending her tutorial, Wesker mentions that volcanic islands are a great place for a vacation and that he has some pamphlets in his helicopter until his phone rings. Wesker then tells Jill "It's time!" as both goes to the kitchen while Doom tells Max that this is their only chance to get out here alive and Max agrees and asks him for a plan but Doom has nothing. Max sighs and then comes up with a plan but Doom has to buy him some time. Doom decides to challenge Jill into a fight, Wesker is talking on the phone mentioning that Santa Monica will be the first target while Max is looking for something. Wesker notice them fighting but smiles and ignores it and continues talking on the phone. Doom tells Max to hurry up while Max manage to finds his Dreamcast. As Max searches for a specific Dreamcast game, Doom tells him he's low on health. As he found it, Max is shocked to see Doom totally beaten and saying his goodbyes to his yogurt and Strider. However, before Jill lands the final blow, Max finally sets everything up and asks Jill "What do you say to a salty player after losing?". While everyone is confused, Max answers "It's Marvel, baybee!" while showing a screen of MvC2 of Doom and Jill. Jill releases Doom and sees the TV screen. Jill recalls back the time she fought Wesker with Chris and sacrificed herself in order to save Chris (A clip from Resident Evil 5) and she finally snaps out of it to her normal self by removing the device from her chest.
Doom is very happy that Jill is back to her normal self while Jill apologizes for attacking him. Doom says it's okay and he's hoping to find Strider somehow while Max appears happily that it turns out alright. Jill then tells both of them to focus as she tells them that Wesker is planning to blow up the West Coast with Uroboros. Max is scared because some of the best Street Fighter players, his favorite arcades and his house are on the West Coast and tells them they got to stop him. Jill comes up with the plan by telling Max to distract Wesker while asking Doom for his assistance. Wesker, still on the phone, was interrupted by Max asking him "Wesker, what's it like being top tier?" and was about to answer him when Max hits him with his arcade stick. Wesker is angry that Max broke his jaw (although he fixed it) and tells the person he's talking on the phone that he'll call him back, throws his phone on the ground and goes after Max. However, he's been blocked by Doom and Jill and Wesker furiously wonders why isn't Doom dead. Doom attacks Wesker with his finger lasers and while Wesker's stunned, Jill grabs him, telling Doom to do it now. While Doom is doing his moment, Wesker complains to Jill that he spent millions making her a perfect weapon and then threatens that he will kill them all with the global saturation. As Doom finally snaps his finger, both Wesker and Jill disappear.
Confused, Max asks him what did he do as Doom replies that he did what Jill tells him to do and sent them back where they belong. A clip from Resident Evil 5 (in which only the Wesker voice is been edited in it) shows that Wesker has the worse headache and met Sheva and Chris. He asks Chris where are his shirt and glasses and Max and Doom but Chris points a gun at him. Assuming that his sunglasses are below, he accidentally realizes he punched through a missile looking for his glasses and thinks he's turning into some Japanese hentai monster as the Uroboros virus takes over him. To make matters worse, he falls down into the lava commenting that it wasn't in the vacation pamphlet while Sheva and Chris escapes using a helicopter. Wesker yells at Chris that he needs a ride to Max's place because he left his phone there and he has some work to do. He even yells not to leave him or they're going to nerf him and he has some gas money. But Chris and Sheva response to him by firing two rockets at him. As Wesker yells out Chris' name, the clip stops and shows back to Max's place where Max asks if Doom sent Wesker to some god-forsaken volcano where's Jill. Doom tells Max that Jill is exactly where she wants to be and a clip of Resident Evil 5 shows Jill in a helicopter with Chris safe and happy.